Lehigh to buy town of Bethlehem, Holly Taylor visits East 5th
An in-depth examination into the most recent drama going on at Lehigh University
Welcome back to the Lookaway. I think it’s safe to say this pandemic isn’t the ideal time to be a college student, but there are some upsides. You can wear pajamas on zoom, drink Bankers out of a coffee mug without suspicion, and go weeks without showering before you realize you’re in the worst physical and emotional shape of your life. I got off-topic, but anyway, here’s some news you might have missed.
Lehigh makes Moves to Purchase all of Bethlehem
This Friday, the Lehigh Board of Trustees announced their plans to purchase all 19.49 square miles of the City of Bethlehem.
“We hear student’s concerns about misuse of our $1.4 billion endowment and their desire to see more community outreach, so we’re really killing two birds with one stone here,” says Kevin L. Clayton, Chairman of the Board.
“We were going to do another Halsey concert, but this was more fun” —Clayton
Lehigh’s administration says students can look forward to Packer Express service to Wind Creek Casino, Chemistry 41 labs in Hotel Bethlehem (to be renamed STEPS North) and a $30,000 tuition increase.
This decision was not without controversy. Local residents voiced concerns about now having to abide by the University’s rules.
“I find the Plan for Greek Excellence a little offensive,” says Constantine Papatonis, a Bethlehem-born small business owner. “My gyro restaurant is running just fine, thank you. And now I have a live-in graduate student and can’t serve wine without OFSA permission?”
Other residents were confused and anxious after being told they would not be guaranteed housing, and to “shove it, losers. Freshman need your houses. Go live in Easton or something, IDK” before a follow-up email retracted the statement this morning.
Holly Taylor goes to Bust East 5th Frat Party, Ends up Having a Sick Time
At 11:30 PM this past Thursday, Assistant Dean of Students Holly Taylor approached a house on East 5th street after witnessing around 15 students descend from Lower Cents in Hawiians.
Taylor noted that the freshmen walked to the front of this home after “dapping up” another student sitting on the porch. Taylor believed this was odd as the group clearly exceeded the limit for social gatherings and did not have cloth face coverings as mandated by the state. She also saw that the group definitely did not have ratio.
When Ms. Taylor approached, she heard Wonderwall x Tremor playing (a timeless classic) and knew exactly what was going on. The student on-door asked if Taylor “knew who they were,” or if the administrator, “had a text.” She did not.
Taylor was then told to “take a lap” before coming in, and promptly did so. After returning, Taylor noted that there was probably no actual reason for the lap, and perhaps the boy on-door was “just being mean.” While she was put off by this interaction, she was finally let in by the brothers.
After a few rounds of slap-cup, Taylor drunkenly ripped off her mask and decided that the COVID violations could be ignored. The combination of a blonde girl inviting her to Saxbys, and receiving the nickname of “Headmaster” by the fraternity brothers, made Taylor finally realize the value of Greek life.
A brief conversation with a hungover Taylor the next morning revealed that she would definitely return because the frat was “super epic.”
Before you go,
If you want to contribute to the Lookaway, whether it’s an article, meme, or headline, send us an email at lookaway@lehigh.edu. Make sure you’re subscribed so you never miss an article.
Beautifully written.